I say Kaddish for

I say kaddish for 

my mother -in -law,

her years four score

and eighteen

yet feelings fresh and  raw

life no longer safe,  routine

I say kaddish for

the ashes of an infant

on a crematorium floor

burned up in an instant

swept under the world’s torpor

I say Kaddish for

the ashes of a Jewish warrior

in the bowels  of a twisted tank

curls and smiles no more

sacrifice was his rank

I say Kaddish for

the girl who once hopped , danced and ran

tomorrow will never adore

comforting arms of a man,

rape her initiation, to the world, a whore. 

I say Kaddish for

bulging eyes of a child

overflowing with the  roar

of terror gone wild

wretched from pore to grimy  pore

I say Kaddish for

an empty carriage

without blanket, pillow or toy

the elusive grail of marriage

cuts down life’s branch of joy

I say kaddish for

a father’s dreams

to fill the world with song

instead my mind shatters with screams

at life’s unfairness, choices so wrong.

I say kaddish for

yearnings once so real

possibilities for sure to come true

 but hopes hopped away, like a rabbit on a wheel

or dashing to a thicket, disappearing from view.

I say Kaddish for

The Holy One, no where to be found

push open a  portal , every possible  door

I crawl along each inch of ground

my eyes to heaven soar

Is He shrinking, 

since the world began

What could He be thinking

in a creation of catch as catch can

I say Kaddish for

with praise to fill  the void, the space

each YitgadaL an open door

at the head table, please  take Your Place.

I say kaddish for 

the gush of ire

seeping out of every pore

If only I could fling it on a funeral pyre

so it rises to heaven’s door

it clogs my heart

like plaque in body’s vein

will prayer my soul jump start

to flow like gentle rain 

but prayer is paper thin

as long as hurt chokes every swallow

heart so hard, where to begin

every effort, empty and hollow  

And so the kaddish I recite

attune my ears to every sound

Each day, morning noon and night

some feeling to be found

the same words holy and ancient

say over and over again

counsel to be calm and patient

I cant help but beg Lord tell me when

amidst inner doubt and storm

if to Kaddish  I hold on

no single foe or those who swarm

though they’re encountered hither and yon

can fully rid my belief

in what’s beyond and yet so near

to bring a breaking heart relief

and for one blessed  moment,

 banish hopelessness and fear

Yitgadal-glory-majesty

Yitkadash-reality of sanctity

B’almah-gift of creativity

V’Yamlich-purpose not living chaotically

B’agalah-possibility

Bezman kariv-let it come quickly

Amen-we’ve been waiting oh so patiently

Yehay shemay -we need the Name to live, to be

Mevorach-blessing ,life’s discovery

Leolam-flutters of eternity

Leaylah-all we know is mystery

Shelamah-and finally 

Shalom-all fragments now a unity.

I say kaddish for 

me.